One Idea: Balanced Check In
As the end of the month approaches, I tend to feel both dread and excitement.
I feel dread when my brain fixates on everything I haven't done yet: "There's so little time. Why does it go by so fast?!"
In that moment, I'm trapped in my brain's negativity bias, which overemphasizes anything that isn't the way I'd like it to be.
My brain works against me in that state. I can't think clearly. I get stressed and anxious about time, jumping from one thing to another without finishing anything, because everything suddenly feels important and urgent.
Or I make mistakes that cost me even more time to fix, or I get so overwhelmed that I start procrastinating: doing everything except the one thing I actually need to do.
Have you ever been there?
If so, welcome to the humankind. Or maybe I should say the human-mean, since our own brains can be pretty mean to us.
When our brain focuses on what's wrong (with us, with others, with the situation), that's the default survival wiring that helped us survive as a species for millennia.
But what helps us survive is often very different from what helps us thrive.
When we constantly focus on threats, on what's wrong, there's a real cost. Our brain isn't "kind" to us. It sabotages us.
We don't get to feel peaceful, or truly happy and present with ourselves or others. The tension of constantly scanning for what's wrong shows up in our bodies too, and over time that can cause longer-term issues.
Our leadership and relationships can suffer as a result. The people around us start to feel like nothing they do is ever good enough. Or we learn to wear a mask, so no one gets close enough to hurt us, and that mask creates distance and mistrust, personal as well as professional.
What to do about this?
That's where the excitement comes in: when I manage to balance my brain's negativity bias and see things clearly, instead of only seeing what's wrong.
Balance doesn't mean ignoring what's not working. It means also acknowledging the growth, naming what I'm grateful for that's already working, and getting curious about where I want to grow next.
It's not about fixing "what's wrong," that would just give me more anxiety and pressure. (If you've been avoiding setting goals for that reason, now you know: that's the negativity bias talking, not the truth.)
It's about focusing on what I want, because of my values, my passion for learning, for meaningful connection, for contributing to others, for leading from my best potential.
When I reflect on the past month from that kind, balanced space, and set goals from that state, I feel at peace. Grateful. Present. Excited.
Empowered. Energized.
I invite you to practice balanced, clear and kind reflection with me today.
One Practice: Balanced, Clear and Kind Check-In
Take three deep inhales and slow exhales. Stretch your body. Take one more deep breath. Settle down.
Get a pen and paper, or open a document on your phone or computer. Pick one area of focus: your leadership of yourself, or of others. Then ask yourself one balanced question about last month:
What's one thing here you want to acknowledge yourself for, and one place you're ready to grow next?
Notice how you feel while answering. If stress or negative feelings come up, celebrate: you just caught your own brain's negativity bias in the act, and that awareness is the first step to changing it.
For the next 7 days, before our next practice, try this mini balancing rep. In the evening or at the start of your day, ask yourself:
- What do I want to acknowledge myself for, today or yesterday?
- What am I grateful for that's already working, at least one thing?
- How do I want to feel today or tomorrow, and what can I do to feel that way?
That fog you started this issue in, not remembering what happened last month? That's the negativity bias talking, not the truth about your month.
If you've read this far, acknowledge yourself for the time and effort you're putting into your growth and your mental and emotional fitness.
See you next week!
With care and appreciation for your inner work,
Lucie,
Founder and fellow practitioner at MindFittery
MindFittery: Mental and Emotional Fitness Gym for Leaders
P.S. Speaking of accountability, I facilitate a weekly Inner Fitness Circle, where we practice the skills needed to lead ourselves and others. Mental and emotional fitness is a lifelong practice, just like physical fitness. Would you like to join a sample circle as my guest? Reply to this email and I'll send you the details.
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